Because I not only conduct them, but also edit them, ever since I began appearing in the interviews on Author, I spend a lot more time than ever before looking at myself. The other day I was editing away when, for whatever reason, maybe it was the lighting, I thought to myself, “That guy looks pretty good.” That guy, of course, was me. You see, like most people, I have spent ninety-nine percent of my time looking out of my face, not at my face. I am more familiar with what my wife looks like than what I look like. When I have received the odd compliment on my appearance over the years, my first thought is always, “Huh?” It’s as if I’ve forgotten I have a face, this mask out of which I speak and see. I think, “Must remember I have a face. That could be useful.” And then I forget again.
Editing videos reminds me. On this particular day, I looked again at the guy in the chair listening to an author describe her writing process. Sometimes that guy looks like he’s just learning how to be human, hoping that if he’s clever enough no one will learn the truth. Not on this day. Was it the lighting? No, I thought. He’s relaxed. He’s not trying to be anything.
Now that’s a guy I’d hang around with. It’s so much easier to rest when you look at a relaxed face, and I would always rather be relaxed. This I could remember, I thought. I don’t actually care what I look like, but I do care very much what I feel like. In fact, it’s all I care about. What I feel like looks out of this face at the world and sees what it feels, even as it is seen feeling what it sees. Relax, it is more than you can understand anyway. Relax, because there is nothing you need to be but here.
Write Within Yourself: An Author's Companion. "A book to keep nearby whenever your writer's spirit needs feeding." Deb Caletti.