A Million Pieces

In yesterday’s column, I mentioned the documentary “A Glorious Accident,” in which a number of thinkers, mostly academic, scientific thinkers, pondered the question, “What are we?” I used to read and listen to a lot more of these types of discussions, because it seemed as if all this serious thinking, all this analysis, inspection, and dissection, was getting very, very, very close to The Big Answer. I wanted that Big Answer. In fact, there were days I thought I needed it. Unfortunately, that Big Answer never came. Now when I read or listen to someone trying to solve the Puzzle of Us in this way I feel as though I am watching a man trying to learn where sonatas come from by pulling apart a piano. No matter how many pieces you break that piano into, no matter how powerful the microscope through which you look at it, the piano itself will never teach you one thing about sonatas. Without a human being to play it, the piano is no more than furniture.

I love mysteries as much as the next Law and Order fan. I too want to learn who killed the heiress, if a vaccine will be found in time, where the gold is buried, if Horatio really loves Amanda. I want to watch detectives, scientists, treasure hunters, and lovers solve these mysteries. I want the answers to be revealed and for everyone to be happy.

Yet the mystery that continues to interest me most, which pulls me ceaseless through my day, is the question, “What does Bill Kenower want next?” No panel of experts, no Nobel Laureate, will ever answer that one. It remains the single greatest mystery in my universe, and if you split me into a million pieces you still wouldn’t find the answer.

And yet I answer it from day to day. No matter how many times I answer it, the question is asked again. No matter how many times I answer it, the question burns again as brightly as the last, and so I chase it – my life a direction and not a place, a song and not an instrument.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual and group conferencing.

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You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com

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