Forgivable

I was teaching at a retreat on an island in Washington State where one of the attendees had generously agreed to host me for the long weekend. She and her husband had a beautiful house with a full apartment in their daylight basement, with its own kitchen and bathroom and view of Puget Sound. The first evening she invited me up to the deck for some cherry pie a la mode, coffee, and conversation. We had a lovely time, though I quickly gleaned that she held some fairly conservative religious views, particularly toward homosexuality. No matter. I steered clear and talked about things we agreed on. I figured it was neither the time nor the place to challenge her worldview.

That was not the case in the class. As with all memoir workshops, all types of people were sharing all types of stories, some about coming out and consequently feeling estranged from their very religious families. I was not going to warn anyone that they might be offending my hostess. In the class, everyone got to tell their story. They may not tell it well – it may be clumsy, it may be crass – but they still get to tell it, and hopefully the other students and I can help them tell it better.

I understand not wanting to offend or trigger anyone. It’s why I chose to veer from certain topics when I was having coffee with this woman. But that was a choice based on a relationship I was having with one person. Writing is about an artist’s relationship to themselves first, and the audience second – an audience with a diversity of beliefs, fears, loves, prejudices, and passions. Good luck pleasing them all and bothering no one.

You have the right to make mistakes, to misunderstand, to mischaracterize. It will bother people when you do, but it might also bother them when you’re clear and honest. You owe no one your silence, no one your fear, nor – at least on the page – your courtesy. You’re as human as the ones who might be hurt, and its only in forgetting this, in calling this one a monster or that one a villain, that the world grows scarier with every word we think is unforgivable.

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Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com