The Real You

I’ve been interviewing a lot of memoirists lately, and I’m always reminded when I do so of who I think the author might be when I read their book, and who I discover they actually are when I meet them. And when I say meet, I mean simply saying hello to their smiling face in a Zoom box. In that brief exchange I know more about the person than I learned in the 70,000 words of their memoir. This is true of novelists as well, of course, but those writers usually aren’t sharing stories about things they did and said and thought, revealing their own deepest fears and desires.

Some writers might find this disappointing. You pour what you consider to be your heart and soul into a book, shouldn’t the reader know you better than anyone? Isn’t that your true self? Perhaps. Except there is something necessarily transparent about the artist, whether they’re writing true or fictional stories. We can’t get all twisted up around our egos and every-day hunger for attention and approval. I might write about things I’ve been afraid of, but I must do so from a place that is entirely fearless. I like to think that’s my true self.

Plus, every story I write has to leave room for the reader. They’re the ones who really finish it, who bring it to life in their imagination, drawing on their memories, their fears and desires. At the end of the day, the story they read is hopefully as much about them as me. Hopefully, they too are left in touch with the fearless part of themselves. Nothing would please me more than knowing a stranger finished something I’ve written and remembers they aren’t just a collection of obsessions and wounds, that they are and always have been whole and curious and lovely.

So don’t spend too much time hoping your friends and relatives will know the real you when they finish your book. They already know the real you. Yes, they have to occasionally look past your pain and worries, your anger and despair, but that’s the work of being human. They can always see in you what exists in them, and in so doing remember, and remember, and remember who we really are.

Check out Fearless Writing with Bill Kenower on YouTube or your favorite podcast app.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com