The Art of Acceptance

I spend a lot of time reminding writers that they don’t need to care what other people think about their work. It’s true. I simply can’t tell the kind of story I most want to tell if I’m sitting at my desk wondering who will like it and if it’s good enough or smart enough or nuanced enough to win my reader’s approval. There is no freedom there, and to write my best and live my best I must be free.

However, if you write something and share it, and particularly if you’ve written something with the disciplined intent of only wanting to satisfy your own unique aesthetic, chances are someone – maybe even a lot of someones – will like it. It’s possible the people who enjoyed it, who were inspired by it, amused by it, or frightened by it, will find a way to tell you so. Knowing how to receive praise is as important for an artist as knowing how to receive criticism.

I used to think I hated criticism. I feared that if I listened to it, I’d be handing my story over to someone else, for they alone could tell me if it had been worth telling. Then I worked with an editor and saw their feedback as part of a creative partnership in which I still had the final say. I enjoyed it. I also used to think I loved praise. But, in fact, I didn’t. It confused me. Because I wasn’t as successful as I thought I ought to be, I didn’t feel I’d earned what I was being given, and so the ones offering it were likely misguided, their opinions ultimately valueless.

Recently, I’ve been receiving a fair amount of appreciation from readers, students, and clients. I’m tempted to say it’s more than usual, but I’m not sure of that. What I do know is that unlike in years past, I’m accepting it. I’m accepting it first as I would any gift someone wants to give me, because it’s the generous thing to do for the one offering, but also because what these kind people appreciate about my work is always something I appreciate about as well. If I do not fully accept what they’re offering, it’s like I’m rejecting myself, rejecting what I like, what I wrote, and what I do.

You can’t live for praise. I tried that and it was a kind of addiction. To live for it is to need an intravenous drip of lauding, someone following me around and telling me every moment I’m good enough. That’s not freedom. But there is absolutely no freedom in self-rejection, however I practice it. I can’t escape myself, after all; I’ll be followed by my passions and desires wherever I go, wherever I hide. Best to accept them for the gifts they are and then share them as best I can, as generously as I can with the world.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com