The Kind Rejection

You know how it is when you’re sitting with a friend and they’re down and they start telling you why they’re down. This thing happened and then this person said this and now nothing is working out and it’s all just typical and how life goes for them. The more they talk the gloomier they get and it’s hard to listen to, isn’t it? It’s hard to hear them say nothing works out for them, and they don’t see the point sometime, and maybe they’re not that smart or that talented or that desirable or whatever it is they need to be so they can be happy and feel good about themselves.

This person is your friend, and they wouldn’t be your friend if you didn’t enjoy hanging around with them, and you wouldn’t enjoy hanging around with them if they didn’t have something valuable to offer. You never know exactly what they’ll offer, but you usually like it. Now, hearing them tell you they’re no good is a little like them telling you you’re no good since you’ve sought their company so often – and anyway, it’s all ridiculous. You’ve sat with them hundreds of times while they’ve enjoyed themselves, when they’ve enjoyed being themselves, enjoyed the very expression of themselves. That’s why you’re their friend: because you enjoyed that too.

So, you tell them the truth, which is to say remind them of what they appear to have forgotten. Best to do this as soon as possible because if you listen to them too long you might start to believe them. People can be very convincing when they’re telling you how lousy they actually are. Fortunately, they probably want to believe you when you tell them all their worry is so much insanity. Maybe it’s why they told you in first place.

It's a nice moment for both of you when they let go of the miserable story they’d been telling themselves. It took discipline on your part, after all. You had to hold to the truth you knew and not the one they were trying to convince you of. This kind of rejection – for that’s what you were doing, rejecting their story – is just love, which will not abide the lie of hopelessness. It won’t abide it in others and, if you can be a friend to yourself, love won’t abide it in you either.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com