Homecoming

I have wanted writing to bring me many things. I have craved the book contract and attention and money that might come from publishing success. Though to say I wanted the contract, attention, and money is not entirely accurate. What I really wanted was how I believed those things, those results, would leave me feeling. When this happened or that happened, I would feel good, would feel worthy, peaceful and content. I never do anything, write anything, think or say anything because I hope I’ll feel worse after I’ve done them. Feeling good has always been my goal in all my endeavors, whether I was aware of it or not, and whether I’ve met that goal or not, which I frequently haven’t.

There is a real irony here, particularly as it relates to writing. Before I can commit a single word to the page, before an idea can come to me worth translating into words, I must get myself into the writing frame of mind. And what is that frame of mind? First, I can’t think I’m not good enough. In order to write, I must know I am fully equipped to do the job. I also have to be peaceful. I can’t be worried about the future; whatever story I want to tell doesn’t exist there. Finally, I must be attuned to my own curiosity, which is not static. I must be present with it, listening to it, not commanding it, not judging it, just hearing it and following where it wants to go.

It's a great state of mind. Once I get going and am lost in the story, I’m less aware of my state of mind; all my attention is on the translation of arriving thoughts. But before that, there is my writing mindset, which I have practiced and practiced finding over the years. It’s always available to me if I allow it. There’s no capricious Muse appearing on her own mysterious schedule. All I need to do is drop everything I’m sure is so important, everything that must be taken care of or fixed to assure my well-being, drop all that and just be there at the desk with myself.

Which is to say, in order to write I must first enter the very frame of mind I hope publishing success will grant me. I would like to tell you that seeing this irony would cure me of my backwards thinking, but it has not. As with writing, entering that mindset, whether at the desk or away from it, is a practice. I’ll be practicing it for the rest of my life. The good news is that it’s a practice whose rewards are immediate. The moment I enter that mindset, no matter what I’m doing, I’m where I want to be, a homecoming I never tire of experiencing.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com