Let The Train Go By

Writers, like everyone else, are first and foremost social beings, whether some of us want to admit this or not. Meaning, we’ve been in lot of conversations with other people. A conversation, like a movie or book, is a journey I take with one or many people. We don’t know where it’s going, but we’ll find out together. That we’re discovering where we’re headed is the whole point of this trip, though often what leads some of us to seek out a quiet room and a blank piece of paper.

As a rule, I prefer one-on-one over groups. Easier with a single partner for the more optimistic or enthusiastic of the two to set a cheery course. Not always, admittedly. Sometimes we’re so locked into anger or fear that we find someone else’s good mood idiotically irritating. Usually, however, like flowers growing toward the sun, we would always rather feel good than bad, curious than bored, optimistic than pessimistic. For all our grief and misery, it remains the abiding and guiding impulse for all us, and we are at our best when we follow it.

Trickier with groups. I do love the energy of a crowd, love when we’re trading stories and telling jokes. But the democracy of a roundtable or dinner party or Saturday brunch can be awkward. Just as when an author reaches the end of a sentence and isn’t sure what comes next, sometimes a party reaches the end of a conversational path and isn’t sure where to go next. This is when we often turn to that old, easy go-to: complaint. It sells books and magazines and TV news, and it stirs up living room chatter the way shaking a hive rouses the bees.

I can complain with the best of them, but it never leaves me feeling any better. Just the opposite, actually. I know this and yet I do it anyway, though much less since I started paying attention. I’ve learned I alone can’t stop a complaint train once a gang of us starts riding it. I can, however, choose not to board it, and turn instead within to a soothing place where all the best stories start. Here, if I’m wise, I wait until the train runs out of fuel or the party ends. As a writer, I don’t mind waiting. It’s how I’ve spent a lot of my time between one good idea and the next.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com