The One Responsible

My son, Jack, wants to write. He really, really wants to write. He’s had a story in his head for the last two years. The problem is that for all the time he’s been wanting to write, he’s been afraid to start. He’s penned not so much as a single sentence. The reasons he has given are all too familiar to me, a writer himself who has not only had his own share of doubts, but who also happens to have authored a book about the kinds of fears that keep us from telling our stories. In fact, I have more or less built a career giving writers advice, council, and support.

I have, of course, offered him much free coaching. I’ve offered it over the dinner table, during our weekly trip to Starbucks, and while we’re just hanging around the living room. Thus far, my advice has only served to irritate him. I’m his father, after all. He is no doubt sick of listening to me, sick of what I think is right and wrong. Plus, it’s hard for a young person to see their parent as some kind of expert. They have had the pleasure of seeing you in all your unglamorous, daily, domestic messiness. How could that guy know something useful?

Last week, Jack told me about a video he’d found. In it, two authors – whose names he immediately forgot – were giving young writers advice. One explained that, “An underdeveloped idea on paper is better than over developed idea in your head.” The other: “Procrastination is just perfectionism in disguise.” Both of these pearls hit him straight in his heart, he said. He has quoted both to me at least a half-dozen times. He still hasn’t started writing, but instead of giving excuses, he repeats these aphorisms.

I almost started laughing when he told me he’d turned to the Internet for advice on getting over one’s blocks. Then I remembered that not only was I still his annoying father, but if he really did want to write, then better to find guidance on his own. So much of writing is believing you have everything you need, that you’re perfectly equipped to tell the story you must want to tell. That belief can begin with finding guidance in your own way and in your own time. I know he doesn’t see scrolling through YouTube for useful videos as a meaningful early step in his journey, but it is.

It’ll be easier to see when he’s finished this story. If he says he owes his success to those two unknown authors, I won’t disagree with him, though he’ll be wrong. There was only person truly responsible, and that’s the one who made the choice, who started the book, who took the journey, and who met people along the way who helped in ways large and small.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

William KenowerWriting, William Kenower, Advice, Stories1 Comment