Day After Day

Once upon a time, I was rarely busy. In those days, I could hold everything I had to do in my head, a mobile calendar of sorts that I would consult throughout my day. And by consult I mean stare at with my ceaseless mind’s eye, as if that thing I had to do might have moved its time and place since the last time I looked at it thirty minutes before. Though I had little to do, I was frequently exhausted, and I would find myself napping in chairs at eleven in the morning.

By and by there was more to do. There were places I needed to go and people I needed to talk to. Now there was not just the one thing I needed to do but two or three or even sometimes four things. Still, I could hold all these in my head, every email I had to answer and every appointment I needed to keep because that is the kind of head I possess. Such a head is useful at times, not so useful at others. Instead of napping in a chair, I would be wide-awake in my bed, the calendar bright and alive and threatening.

Then the day came where there was so much to do I was forced to move my calendar from my mind to my computer. There was so much to do I hadn’t the time to rehearse what would be said to every audience, asked in every interview. I was forced to assume that I would know what to say or do when I did what my actual calendar told me I must do. Now my mind was free to attend to other matters. Now my mind was free to remember other things that lay far beneath the noise of a useless calendar. Though I had many places to go and many people to talk to, I was peaceful, and I slept only at night.

Sometimes, as I descend from my day into sleep, I will jerk back to the surface of consciousness where all my worries swim frantically, certain their next stroke will be their last. I am like a parent, who has forgotten his children and must find them before they wander into traffic. Yet it is only a dream in fact, and I see that the calendar of my mind remains pristine, a perfectly empty string of day after day after day.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence.
You can find William at: williamkenower.com