Impact of Writing
By Sarah L. Blum
In 2019, at age 79, I returned from a two-week retirement trip to the east coast to attend the 80th birthday party for my 1957 class from Atlantic City High School,to visit old friends, and to see family in Florida and New Hampshire. On September 27th, I woke up in Florida with severe pain and stiffness in my neck. That day, whileflying north to New Hampshire, I thought it was a fluke, or a consequence of how I slept that night, but later after arriving in New Hampshire, the pain was still there. I made it through sightseeing in the White Mountains and visiting, but knew I needed to see a doctor.
When I returned home, I discovered that my own doctor was on a month-long vacation. I could only see a doctor who was unknown to me. She examined me, took my history of this situation, and concluded that I had something called Polymyalgia Rheumatica. She put me on Prednisone. Later, I saw a specialist who said I had Arthritis, but the treatment was the same.
Before retiring from thirty-four years as a nurse psychotherapist that June, I was very active, rowing most mornings in my single shell for an hour, then playing pickleball for two hours.The problems made no sense to me, but they limited what I could do. For someone who was fit all my life, this was unacceptable and painful to bear. This continued for years, affecting all aspects of my life.
My health issues were challenges to overcome, and I was willing and able to do what I needed to heal.
In September, I met a veteran named Ryan who introduced me to Path with Art (PwA) and Veterans Choir. I was singing with other veterans in this choir and, to be part of that, I needed to sign up with Path with Art Through PwA, I joined a class called Red Badge Writing. We had weekly assignments and would share our writing in class and get feedback. I liked the teacher and the class. It helped me focus on other things than my body and health.
The writing helped me remember experiences from 1967 when I was an army operating room nurse in Vietnam. Over the course of several years, I would write about many things and get feedback. Prior to having these health issues, I was writing a book entitled Warrior Nurse: PTSD and Healing, but in all that time, I was NOT writing in the book. The issues with my body and health seemed to have affected my motivation and emotions. I was writing and was getting better at it but was not focused at all on the manuscript. It took four years to be able to trust myself to get back to writing my book.
What I noticed was that each piece I wrote for Red Badge helped me connect to myself, my body, and my emotions. The feedback helped me trust the others in the class. Path with Art offered many classes and I took a number of them. For all the years I worked as a nurse psychotherapist, I wanted to take different classes but could not because of my schedule. Now I can, and I am doing just that, takingany class that appeals to me. Each class adds something valuable to my life. The motto of Path with Art is Art Transforms, and indeed it does. The art form may be painting, drawing, working with glass, making masks, pottery, playing music, or writing. I was in many veteran cohort classes and some civilian classes. I continued to sing with Veterans Choir and found that singing helped me feel better. Writing did as well. Being part of a community of people who were dealing with issues of physical or emotional health provided a sense of support that made my life richer and easier. I was not alone and did not feel alone.
Some of the stories I wrote were from intense emotional experiences during the war in Vietnam. I wrote extensively and repeatedly about Johnny, a nineteen-year-old red headed soldier who was hit by American artillery and lost everything from his hips down. I wrote to heal my own emotional wounding from that experience. It worked. By writing about Johnny from every conceivable angle and perspective, I no longer struggled with that painfilled experience. I did the same with a soldier named Jim Vines who I met in person years after the war. (Here is a link to one of the stories I wrote about Jim. https://www.theredbadgeproject.com/jim-vines-student-production/)
Writing for me was the way to healing many memories and experiences and it still is. Writing is a way for me to express myself and I seem to be better at that through writing than through other forms of art, yet some of the art I created was helpful.
The other art form that is helpful for me now is music. I used to be an African Drummer but the health issues in 2019my hands and fingers are , and I was not able to drum with my hands. I was fortunate to have a free music therapy appointment this summer and learned that I can drum with mallets. I am now using drum sticks that have cotton on the ends in round balls. I am having a lot of fun drumming with others who play guitar, keyboard, singing and even a guy on trap drums. We all play together to make music during a once -a -month music jam at PwA.
The impact of writing has been healing and supportive for my life. I am healing my body and can ride seventeen miles on the trail in a recumbent trike given to me by the VA and walk two tofour miles on the White River Trail.
Writing in the Red Badge class has led to me being able to complete my book: Warrior Nurse: PTSD and Healing and have a publisher willing to publish it. As part of the class, we have the opportunity to share our writing in a theater to a live audience. I never would have thought speaking out what I wrote would be as power-filled and healing as it has been. Each time I do one of those, I believe I can do it without crying, but that has never been the case. The tears come up as soon as I am speaking to a live audience. Their responses and acceptance have been more healing than I could have ever imagined, helpingme trust the power of my writing by seeing and hearing the impact it has on others.
Sarah L. Blum, a decorated nurse Vietnam veteran, earned the Army Commendation Medal serving as an operating room nurse at the 12th Evacuation Hospital in Cu Chi, Vietnam during the intense fighting in 1967. She received her Bachelor’s Degree from Seattle University and her Master’s from the University of Washington. Sarah retired at age 80 as a nurse psychotherapist with over 34 years’ experience in healing trauma. Between 2006 and 2012, Sarah interviewed over 58 women veterans and is the author of Women Under Fire: Abuse in the Military. http://womenunderfire.net Her new book: Warrior Nurse: PTSD and Healing is being edited for publication.