Nobody Cares

May 24th, 2013

A few years ago I had the pleasure to interview Dennis Lehane, who told the story of how, in his early years of writing, he posted a note to himself above his desk where he worked that read, “Nobody Cares.” This meant both the hard-boiled truth that the world was largely indifferent to his little joys and struggles, but also the emancipating understanding that whether he failed or succeeded would not actually affect anyone else. Since nobody cared, he needn’t waste any energy worrying about what anyone thought about what he was doing.

I thought of this when my creative work began to draw exclusively from my own life, whether in memoir or in this space. I could be a slippery and uncooperative protagonist, stiffening suddenly as the Bill on the page seemed to become aware the literary camera. Ironically, this only made Protagonist Bill less sympathetic, an outcome that only further heightened his awareness of my narrative eye.

Until, that is, I remembered that nobody cared – or more specifically, nobody cared about me. If I have done my job as a writer correctly, the reader will care about my story’s protagonist – me, in this case – but not the me I am so often trying to protect. This is the me to whom I was referring when, as a young man, I sometimes complained, “Nobody cares about me.” Meaning, nobody cared that I was sad; nobody cared that I was frightened. And it was true. To care about my sadness in the way I believed others should would be to ask another to care about an illusion I had believed. To care about this illusion would only strengthen my belief in it, which in turn would only strengthen my sadness.

The opposite of an illusion is the truth, and this is what readers really care about. Stories, at their best, are dreams through which a reader can awaken from an illusion into the truth. Nothing matters but that awakening. The moment I believe that I matter more than the awakening, I begin protecting myself, and the story disappears into the nightmare I have spent my life trying to disbelieve.

9781935961994-Perfect_CS.inddWrite Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion.
A book to keep nearby whenever your writer’s spirit needs feeding.” Deb Caletti.

Remember to catch Bill every Tuesday at 2:00 PM PST/5:00 EST on his live Blogtalk Radio program Author2Author!
You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com
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The Jester Appears

May 23rd, 2013

Write Within Yourself was officially launched this past Monday at Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park (WA). It was a lovely evening – lovely to see so many friends and family, lovely to meet new friends who had come out for the event, and lovely to reacquaint myself with a character who had lay largely dormant for the last twenty years or so: The Jester.

An author event is theater. Authors may not like to see themselves as actors or performers, but if one person is standing up and talking to a group of people sitting quietly and listening, then that is theater. And theater brings out a bit of the court jester in me. I spend much of my days wishing I were The King. The King proclaims and is the voice of earthly law and justice. The King also speaks to the multitudes. It is his duty. How else will the multitudes know the law and feel secure that justice shall prevail?

And yet, give me an audience, and The Jester appears. The Jester makes no laws, and has no power other than his observations, offered from a vantage devoid of earthly influence. The Jester is the King’s foil and confidant, reminding His Majesty that the crown and throne are inventions doomed to rust and rot. From such a vantage the world and all the scrambling about humans do in it for their wasting and temporary things certainly is a funny place, if and only if The Jester resists the dark temptation to call death tragedy.

Death, to my memory, did not come up at my book launch – not by name anyhow. With humans, it always lingers in the shadows anytime we stand up and say, “Look what I made!” This too shall pass. Who better than The Jester to speak at such a moment? Worry not; we are not made of these things we make. We are always more the laughter released from the bonds of solid stuff, a sound untouched but touching, home to the lightness required to dwell where the heavy and hopeless song of death is too often sung.

9781935961994-Perfect_CS.inddWrite Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion.
A book to keep nearby whenever your writer’s spirit needs feeding.” Deb Caletti.

Remember to catch Bill every Tuesday at 2:00 PM PST/5:00 EST on his live Blogtalk Radio program Author2Author!
You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com
Follow wdbk on Twitter

Writing My Way Home

May 22nd, 2013

Some days I sit down to write filled with enthusiasm and certainty. I have observed the fruits of my labor hanging from the Tree of Life, and I am enjoying the harvest and want nothing more than to share this pleasure with everyone I know or don’t know. To write from such a place is to report back on a truth I have already learned; I am a journalist with only good news to share.

More often, however, I find myself at the desk with two thoughts competing in my mind. One is a hopeful thought. Perhaps I remember my last harvest, or can see the fruits beginning to bud. Such thoughts are all optimism and generosity and compassion. Within such thoughts I have nothing to prove, and the world is filled with only friends, and not a single enemy.

Yet there also dwells in me a hopeless thought. I have named the growing of all fruit pointless or impossible. I have endowed myself with premonitory powers, and believe that if any fruit comes it will be bitter and unsatisfying or somehow stolen by one of my many enemies. Here I create only architectural nothingness, hoping to draw comfort from the knowledge I alone can name the void.

On such days I write myself into the truth of hopefulness, following a path of thought laid out for me again as it was the day before until I am home where the lie of hopelessness is dispelled. Though I would not ask for hopelessness, I must acknowledge its value in my work. A thing is always seen more clearly against its opposite. Perhaps someday the hopeless thoughts will no longer hold the power to attract my attention, and they will wither to death like a garden untended. Strange that it is so hard for us to let such a thing die, even when the whole of creation blooms in its extinction.

9781935961994-Perfect_CS.inddWrite Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion.
A book to keep nearby whenever your writer’s spirit needs feeding.” Deb Caletti.

Remember to catch Bill every Tuesday at 2:00 PM PST/5:00 EST on his live Blogtalk Radio program Author2Author!
You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com
Follow wdbk on Twitter

The Forgotten World

May 21st, 2013

What it takes to write the book you most want to write is also what it takes to lead the life you most want to lead. Perhaps you’ve heard me mention this before. It’s true, you know. If you know how to write a book, you know how to market a book, or start a business, or find a lover, or buy house. If you know how to write a book, you already know how to do everything, and if you know how to do anything, you already know how to write a book.

That is because the process of creation, from books to businesses to marriages is always precisely the same. The mechanics vary from task to task, but the mechanics are of little consequence. Mechanics can be learned the same as multiplication tables can be learned, and once learned, the mechanics are rarely forgotten. But the actual physics of creation can be forgotten. In fact, humans forget it constantly, ceaselessly, and within that forgetting dwells all of our pain.

I frequently forget. When I write, I enter the terrarium of my desk, ask myself what looks interesting that day, quiet my busy, furtive, worried mind, receive something to write about, and then awaken my busy mind in which the mechanics of language are stored and translate what I have been given. That is creation, the entirety of it. Then I get up from my desk, and ask, “How do I create the rest of this life?”

As if the imagination that offered me my ideas to write was not present away from the desk. As if my busy mind is somehow the source of all my creative answers everywhere but at the desk. As if the only ideas I have ever received were those to write. What an unfriendly world that would be. When I remember the truth of it, I remember to write not just my stories but my day, and quiet my mind the same as I would at my desk to receive a plan for marketing a book, or teaching my son, or cooking dinner.

There is no difference from one creation to the next. Our job remains forever the same, regardless of the task before us. Forgetting, meanwhile, is only painful when we call our amnesia the truth, when instead of finding our way back to what we have always known, we mourn the impossibility of creating anything meaningful within a tiny world we invented in haste to replace the one we love.

9781935961994-Perfect_CS.inddWrite Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion.
A book to keep nearby whenever your writer’s spirit needs feeding.” Deb Caletti.

Remember to catch Bill every Tuesday at 2:00 PM PST/5:00 EST on his live Blogtalk Radio program Author2Author!
You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com
Follow wdbk on Twitter

Creating Opportunities

May 20th, 2013

You may have heard the expression, “create your own opportunities.” To me, this sort of tidy aphorism sometimes feels lovely in its can-doism, but dubious in its application. An opportunity is something that comes to you and upon which you act; how can you create something that comes to you? Here’s how.

Last week I was interviewed on The Back Porch Writer, a Blogtalk Radio show hosted Kori Miller (the show will air on June 11). This opportunity came about after Kori wrote me to thank me for one of my recent episodes of Author2Author. After a friendly back-and-forth I mentioned I had a book out and would she like me be a guest on her show. She said yes, and we scheduled our interview.

But that was not how I actually created this opportunity. I had actually created this opportunity, unbeknownst to me, about a year earlier. Kori began our conversation by asking me what had motivated me to start Author2Author, and I explained about wanting to expand the format of my interviews and so on. Then Kori told me that she had stumbled on Author2Author one day, liked what she heard, and thought, “I want to do what he’s doing!” And so she started Back Porch Writer. This was how I “created my own opportunity.” I did what I loved and offered it to people through the means available to me, and acted in a timely fashion when that love was returned to me.

After hearing Kori’s story, I was reminded again of what I can do and what I can’t do. Madness waits for anyone certain he must build his every opportunity board-by-board. Creation is always a group effort, a fact I frequently ignore. I awake from uneasy dreams full of doubt and pessimism, the field of possibility an inscrutable and unfriendly bog. Oh, the misery of forgetting. To stand in loneliness, convinced I must make the world alone, while feeling an emptiness that is actually other people’s efforts and then calling myself incomplete.

9781935961994-Perfect_CS.inddWrite Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion.
A book to keep nearby whenever your writer’s spirit needs feeding.” Deb Caletti.

Remember to catch Bill every Tuesday at 2:00 PM PST/5:00 EST on his live Blogtalk Radio program Author2Author!
You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com
Follow wdbk on Twitter

Shared Value

May 17th, 2013

What do you value? If you’re a writer, it’s a question worth asking every time you sit down at your desk. It’s best to be honest. Perhaps you believe you should answer, “Love, friendship, and integrity,” but you most want to answer, “A big house, a new dress, and endless compliments.” Begin where you are. If you continue to be honest, you will find that it is not the big house you value, but the feeling of being in a big house; so too the new dress, and the endless compliments.

Or perhaps it is not even the feeling of being in a big house, but the fantasy of what being in that big house will feel like. Perhaps it is only the fantasy of the freedom spaciousness can bring, and the fantasy of comfort it’s gates will provide. Perhaps also, you entertain the fantasy that every day you open its front door you will at last feel as valuable as you secretly believe you are but for which you have no proof.

What do you value? Is feeling not the only thing we humans actually value? Are not all the things we own and crave owned and craved for the feelings we hope they will excite within us? In this way, let writing teach you what you must surely already know. There at your desk you have nothing but your own thoughts and imagination. There at your desk you can crave nothing or no writing will occur. And yet there at your desk you have available to you the entire spectrum of human feeling. You summon each feeling within yourself and translate those feelings into scenes, characters, and words.

You know this is true. You know you needed nothing but yourself to feel everything. Writing has taught us this, and yet still we will forget when we leave the desk. What do you value? You are sharing that answer in your work every day. What do you value? That is what you buy and sell. What do you value? Answer it honestly and it is yours, instantly and completely, without the obstruction of time and distance, it is yours in a thought, ready to be shared in these gifts we call stories.

9781935961994-Perfect_CS.inddWrite Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion.
A book to keep nearby whenever your writer’s spirit needs feeding.” Deb Caletti.

Remember to catch Bill every Tuesday at 2:00 PM PST/5:00 EST on his live Blogtalk Radio program Author2Author!
You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com
Follow wdbk on Twitter

The Immeasurable World

May 16th, 2013

My only job on this planet, from dawn to dusk, is so simple it often eludes me. A busy and fussy part of me does not trust such simplicity. This is Bill The Engineer, who must construct his entire world from all its disparate pieces. Bill The Engineer is keenly aware of the complex integrity of stable structures, and Bill The Engineer must live in a solid house where all his doors close firmly against the wind he can neither summon nor dismiss.

Yet it has never been my job to build my home, my only job is to return to it. Within the home I cannot make exists not the comfort of the hearth or the bed, but the knowing of value that surpasses measurement. Bill The Engineer must measure before he knows. He finds comfort only in the precision of his instruments and the formulas to which those measurements can be ritualistically applied. The immeasurable is but a fairy tale to him; within his knowing nothing can be made from that which cannot be measured, and so that which is immeasurable is unreal and does not exist.

There is no arguing with Bill The Engineer; argument is his favorite means of communication. All that can be done is to return home, to cross the threshold that is the actual boundary between the real and the unreal. Once home, Bill The Engineer vanishes like a thought. Once home, I feel again the comfort of the immeasurable: for that whose value cannot be measured cannot be compared; that whose value which cannot be measured cannot be lost or broken; that whose value cannot be measured is a well with no bottom.

To dwell here is to stand at the river’s mouth from which all creation flows. Here is where the world is actually made. Here is the only reality, where the lies of loss, brokenness, and comparison are dispelled. To write a story from such a place is to offer a way home to yourself and another. This is my only job – to awaken again and again from the fantasy of the measured world and find my way back to the reality that imagined it.

9781935961994-Perfect_CS.inddWrite Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion.
A book to keep nearby whenever your writer’s spirit needs feeding.” Deb Caletti.

Remember to catch Bill every Tuesday at 2:00 PM PST/5:00 EST on his live Blogtalk Radio program Author2Author!
You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com
Follow wdbk on Twitter

Awareness

May 15th, 2013

I have written from time to time here about the three narrative arcs in every story: the physical arc (everything that happens in the story); the emotional arc (the characters’ desires and motivations); and the intentional arc (the driving purpose behind the story). As I have said, the physical is the least important arc and the intentional is the most important, even though we are far more aware of the physical than the intentional.

These arcs in many ways mirror the levels of human experience. First there is the physical level: in order to tell a story our fingers must type or hold a pen, or our voice must speak. It is impossible, therefore, to share our stories with other human beings without employing our physical selves in some way.

And yet our fingers or our voice do not tell a story. They are merely tools to translate what we see and feel within us. This is the second level of the human experience: the attentive level. In order to tell a story you must turn the light beam of your attention to the story you want to tell. The longer you leave your attention on the story, the clearer it becomes, and the easier it is to translate into something that exists outside of you. And so we see that our attention is far more of who we are than our bodies.

And yet our attention is not really who we are. Because every writer knows he can sit at his laptop and instead of focusing the light beam of his attention on the story he wishes to tell, he might focus his attention on the stories he has not sold, or on what he believes an editor would buy. Our attention loves thoughts, and within its powerful light those thoughts grow. But we are not those thoughts or that attention. We are the awareness of our thoughts and our attention. We are that which decides the thoughts we will focus our powerful attention upon.

Of our three selves the most vulnerable is the physical, exposed as it is to all the thorns and hard edges of the world. So too our attention, which can light upon some cancerous idea, growing it steadily and unconsciously in its effort to eliminate it. But our awareness remains beyond the reach of pain. Our awareness, in fact, is what heals our pain – sometimes with a salve, sometimes by redirecting our attention, and sometimes simply by reminding us of who we are.

9781935961994-Perfect_CS.inddWrite Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion.
A book to keep nearby whenever your writer’s spirit needs feeding.” Deb Caletti.

Remember to catch Bill every Tuesday at 2:00 PM PST/5:00 EST on his live Blogtalk Radio program Author2Author!
You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com
Follow wdbk on Twitter

A Dragon In The Garden

May 14th, 2013

I sometimes wonder if the worst misfortune that could befall a writer is to be cursed with a life of excitement and adventure. How easy, even with your own life, to become transfixed by the glitter and drama of events and lose sight of the heart that beats steadily and hopefully beneath every moment. Life may dress itself in a tuxedo, but within that coat and tie is the same naked truth to which we are all beholden.

It is the only truth toward which anyone would write, and the only truth toward which anyone would live. And yet how tempting it is to discard life like one of our own aborted ideas. Not all of life, of course – only the dull bits, the hours spent waiting, the idle hours in front of the TV, the after-dinner conversations with a spouse, the drive to work.

I have felt at times as if I am drowning in life’s dull bits. How the dirty daily business of not-dying consumes my attention. If the dull bits are discardable, why then so am I, for hasn’t my life seemed to have descended into little else? Now I look out and see nothing but empty survival, now I look out and would crave a killer at my door, if only to make that same survival worthy of a movie or at least a mention on the evening news.

How the dull bits summon the specter of meaninglessness. Now a dragon has appeared in my garden, and I am running for my life. Slay me if you can, he’ll whisper, but death has always been my friend, filling your quiet hours as he does with the haunted fantasy of an end as meaningless as the beginning and middle.

I write this column for anyone who has ever felt the pain of his own discarded life. Perhaps you did not even recognize the dragon as you looked at him. Perhaps you called him boredom, loneliness, poverty, loss, bad luck, or abuse. The dragon has many names. To live as a saint, you needn’t renounce your earthly ways, tend the children in Calcutta, or hang yourself on a cross. To live as a saint you need only see what a saint sees, to look out at the garden where the dragon breathes and know that serpent has come to save you.

9781935961994-Perfect_CS.inddWrite Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion.
A book to keep nearby whenever your writer’s spirit needs feeding.” Deb Caletti.

Remember to catch Bill every Tuesday at 2:00 PM PST/5:00 EST on his live Blogtalk Radio program Author2Author!
You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com
Follow wdbk on Twitter

You Are Here

May 13th, 2013

Today begins The Author’s Blog, a Monday-thru-Thursday offering on writing, publishing, creativity and life in general, penned by a collection of Author regulars: Brian Mercer, Terry Persun, Megan Chance, Joan Frank, and relative newcomer Noelle Sterne. As editor, I plan to turn these fine writers loose on this broad subject matter, with but this one command: keep it positive.

Why? Because there is much in the world of writing and publishing that we do not know. We do not know who, if anyone, will buy the books and stories we write; we do not know how much money we will make when the books and stories are sold; we do not know if these books will win awards or be well-reviewed; we do not know how many people will attend our readings; we often do not even know how the stories we are writing will end.

And yet, despite all that we do not know, and despite the rapidly changing world of digital publishing, and talk of a smaller publishing pie, and the rate of rejection at literary agencies, and the blockbuster mentality at the largest publishers – despite all this, we do know one thing with absolute certainty: If you are a writer, tomorrow you will wake up and write something with the intention of sharing with your fellow human beings. This is what I will do, and what you will do, and what Sherman Alexie and Stephen King and Toni Morrison will do.

So we must keep it positive. Since we must do this thing, let us do it with as much enthusiasm and optimism and love as we possibly can. The alternative merely makes what we must do harder. Do not talk to me of reality. The only true reality is that we will get up and write. The rest is worry, naming shadows, as if our desire to write were perched upon some shaky tower of praise and financial success that would crumble with enough bad news and send you and it and the whole bright and beautiful and meaningful world smashing into the dust.

So, as the saying goes, write what you know. Know that you are here, that you want to be here, and that you want to fill this here with as many beautiful stories as it can hold.

9781935961994-Perfect_CS.inddWrite Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion.
A book to keep nearby whenever your writer’s spirit needs feeding.” Deb Caletti.

Remember to catch Bill every Tuesday at 2:00 PM PST/5:00 EST on his live Blogtalk Radio program Author2Author!
You can find Bill at: williamkenower.com
Follow wdbk on Twitter