Today I Am an Underachiever

by Diane Hammond

My to-do list states very clearly that right now I should be writing the excellent and thoughtful guest blog that Bill Kenower at AuthorMagazine.org so richly deserves. What I’m doing instead is writing lists.

It’s Monday, so my first list is really more of a space-and-time inventory:

1. My daughter is on an Amtrak train back to college after a two-week spring break.
2. I’ve dropped off my husband at work.
3. Despite driving rain, I’ve walked and made much of our dogs, especially the four-year-old because, let’s face it, the new puppy gets most of the limelight.
4. My latest book, Seeing Stars, has now been out for six days.
5. There’s one day left on the email auto-responder that announces I’m still away on the first leg of my book tour, which means that I have
6. All day to write, but
7. Instead I am dithering.

Here’s why:

1. I’m unnerved at having Seeing Stars out in the reading world, despite favorable early reviews and the fact that it’s my fourth book.
2. I’m unnerved at working on my fifth book, despite the fact that I’m on manuscript page 125 and love the characters.
3. I’m unnerved because I don’t want to just write. I want to write deliciously; I want a hot fudge sundae of a writing day, a day so rich and filling I can take the next two weeks off if I want to and still feel good about myself.
4. I’m afraid I can’t muster the necessary degree of deliciousness.
5. Lists—the writerly equivalent of junk food—are quick, fun, and make me feel like I’m accomplishing something even when I know I’m not.
6. I’ve been losing at online Mahjong, a game which becomes scream-inducing if you play it too much, which I have.